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November 10, 2022
mbg Contributor
Acamea Deadwiler, M.S., is a freelancer writer and the author of ‘Single That.’ She has a bachelor’s degree in public affairs from Indiana University Northwest and a master’s degree in communications from Valparaiso University.
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November 10, 2022
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Bumble’s claim to fame is that it’s the only dating app that requires women to make the first move when they match with men. So, if you’re a woman matching with men, you’ll need to know how to start a conversation on Bumble—because he won’t be able to say anything until you do. Though this traditional role reversal may be empowering, it can also be a bit intimidating if you normally wait for guys to message you on dating apps.
As for everyone else, as of Bumble’s latest policy update, anyone can make the first move if the two people who match are the same gender or if at least one person is nonbinary.
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For anyone on the receiving end of someone’s Bumble opening lines, you’ll need to figure out how to respond in a way that opens the door for further conversation—within the 24-hour time limit the app sets for you.
Fear not: We asked dating experts for their best advice to help you start engaging in conversation when you match with someone on Bumble, whether you have the first move or they do.
How to start a conversation on Bumble with a guy:
1.
Ask a meaningful open-ended question.
Emphasis on meaningful. “Open-ended questions are great because they pull for a return response,” says licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach Jaime Zuckerman, Psy.D. These types of questions can’t be answered with just one word. Your match will have to respond in a manner that helps move the conversation forward. It’s the difference between asking “Did you have a good day?” and the more open-ended “What was the best part of your day?”
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2.
Highlight commonalities.
“Mention something that the two of you may share as a common interest based on their profile (e.g., an activity, something family-related, traveling, etc.),” Zuckerman recommends, adding that an example would be, “Oh wow! I love hiking too. Where is your favorite place to hike?”
Fiana Andrews, Ed.S., C. Psych., a registered psychologist and introvert coach for women, knows a thing or two about shooting your shot with a guy. She slid into her now-husband’s DMs with a compliment. Both she and Zuckerman agree this is an ideal way to get things started.
“Who doesn’t love a compliment?” Zuckerman asks, rhetorically, of course. Just as you appreciate someone noticing your cool hairdo or cute top, guys like compliments too. If you think he has a nice smile or an awesome beard, get the conversation going by letting him know.
Find your match today with eHarmony. Free to join.
4.
Build on the information in his profile.
Everything you need to jump-start engaging dialogue is right there at your fingertips. Andrews suggests studying his profile before sending your first message. “Sometimes he will make it easy for you and add a conversation starter in the bio for you to use,” she says. If there are no such pre-drafted icebreakers, Andrews also recommends asking an open-ended question that relates to his bio. The answer should give you enough information to ask a follow-up question.
5.
Don’t second-guess yourself.
“I’m an advocate for being the first to start the conversation,” Andrews says. Women, in particular, can sometimes be nervous about taking the lead, she notes, but she reminds that if the guy is genuinely interested in you, he’ll happily meet your energy.
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How to start a conversation on Bumble with a girl:
If she already made the first move, now you have an opening to pursue her and help carry the conversation. Zuckerman recommends doing this by being mindful of her tone. “One thing to pay attention to is the girl’s messaging style,” she says. “Try to match it. If it’s humor, use humor back.”
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When two people who are the same gender match on Bumble or if one person in a Bumble match is nonbinary, either person can start the conversation. Sometimes you might be the one opening with a compliment; other times you’ll be on the receiving end of one.
If a woman you matched with already sent a first message with a compliment of some sort, Zuckerman believes that presents a great opportunity: “If they compliment you, say thank you, and return with a compliment of them. Try to make compliments about their interests and profile information rather than physical attributes.”
3.
Pick up what they put down.
“Ask them a question within the same topic they asked you,” Zuckerman suggests. That way, you two can continue discussing known mutual interests. For instance, if asked about your affinity for hiking and your match enjoys it too, respond with something like, “I love to hike out West. Where’s your favorite place to hike?”
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Just as the experts recommend leading with an open-ended question, Zuckerman suggests continuing this trend to keep conversation flowing. Respond with an open-ended question of your own.
As important as knowing how to respond is knowing how not to respond. It’s OK to be fun and a bit flirty, but sending the wrong message can kill whatever positive vibes you may have established. Zuckerman recommends avoiding starting with sexual or extremely personal questions, sending lewd pictures, or asking your match to send you lewd pictures.
Best opening lines for Bumble:
Ohhh, so you think you’re a good cook? I see a competition brewing.
Zuckerman points out the effectiveness of light humor in sparking conversation. “If you feel comfortable, start with a joke,” she says. “This is always a terrific way to get a response. Just make sure it’s a benign joke and not one that would be viewed as offensive.”
I love that movie too! What about it speaks to you?
This line highlights a commonality and does the job of an open-ended question by prompting a thoughtful response. You can replace “movie” with song, television show, book, or any other form of media. Discussing how and when the two of you discovered something you both love can frame the entire opening exchange.
You’re handsome, you read a lot, and you’re funny. What’s the catch?
Both Zuckerman and Andrews agree that you can’t go wrong with a respectful compliment. This one doesn’t just note physical appearance but also your appreciation for his intellect and sense of humor.
I love your dog! What’s his favorite treat so I know to have it on me when I meet him?
Because who doesn’t jump at the opportunity to talk about their furry friends? With this opening line, you show that the pet who’s clearly important to your match is also important to you. Plus, you subtly insinuate plans to meet them both.
What’s your idea of a perfect first date?
This line accomplishes a few things. It’s another open-ended question that requires reflection. It demonstrates interest in getting to know your match. It also presents the idea of going on a first date—a perfect one at that. Let the fairy tale begin.
So, I had a rough one today! How was your day?
“Be sincere. Be authentic,” Zuckerman encourages. Don’t be afraid to just ask the simple question of how someone’s day went and admit yours has been challenging. You don’t want to be a downer, but it’s OK to be vulnerable.
You can have any superpower for one day. What are you picking?
Remember, the goal with an opening line is to spark engaging dialogue. You want to ask unique, fun questions like this that give your match something to think about.
I saw you ate at that new restaurant in the city! I’ve been wanting to go there. What did you think of it?
“Ask them to tell you more about something in their profile,” suggests Zuckerman. “Maybe you see something that they are reading or a restaurant they visited.” With this line, your match may even present the idea of meeting at the restaurant so you can check it out.
I went to that concert too! What was the best part of the show for you?
If you notice the two of you attended the same event, this is an easy conversation starter. It highlights something you have in common and would both enjoy discussing. You can also adapt this to any interests that the two of you appear to have in common based on their profile.
Looks like you’ve had some fun travel experiences.
If you don’t want to ask a question, a remark about something your match has done or is clearly interested in can have the same effect. Mentioning something like the travel destinations displayed on his profile will prompt him to go into detail and perhaps ask about your travel history.
If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?
Hey, they might answer with “you.” If not, you’ll learn more about your match from their desired dinner date as there’s likely a reason behind the choice.
You should know I’m much funnier and more interesting than my profile suggests.
It’s not easy to convey your entire existence through a few lines and photos on a dating profile. Not taking yourself too seriously allows others to do the same. This line will give your match a good chuckle and set a relaxed tone for the ensuing conversation.
Cute first messages:
- My dog approves.
- I’m glad we matched.
- Can we close our Bumble accounts now?
- Top 5 movies? 3-2-1 GO.
- You finally found me.
- Nice smile.
- Perfect timing. I was just about to delete my profile.
- And here I thought dating apps were a waste of time.
- Road trips or flights?
- Is it weird having a girl make the first move?
- Tell me something good.
- What’s one thing most people get wrong about you? So I can get it right.
- My swiping thumb is tired. Can we just stop here?
- I suck at opening lines but here goes: Hello.
- Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A dog mom and a dog dad match on Bumble…
- Let’s decide now how we’ll tell people we met.
- Are you an unpack immediately after vacation or a stay packed for the next trip kind of person?
- What cartoon character best describes your personality?
- Fancy meeting you here.
- To think, I almost accidentally swiped left.
- Pick a game. Loser buys dinner.
- My dog wants to know if your dog wants to meet for a play date.
- I can’t decide who’s cuter, you or your dog! 😊
- Here to find your Queen Bee?
- Come to this coffee shop later so we can say we met there.
- I love your profile.
- Are you an early bird or a night owl?
- If you’re catfishing, tell me now.
FAQ
How do you start a conversation on Bumble?
It’s always Ladies’ Night on Bumble. This is the only dating app where women must make the first move. If you identify as a woman and match with someone, you have 24 hours to start the conversation—or the option to do so disappears.
If you’re a man matching with women, you’ll have to wait for the woman to start the conversation. If you’re nonbinary, a man matching with someone other than a woman, or a woman matching with women, either person can start the conversation.
After one person starts the conversation, the other person also has 24 hours to respond before the option to do so disappears.
What should I say in my first Bumble message?
Your first Bumble message should ask an open-ended question, offer a compliment, or mention something in their profile. All three methods prompt a response, which is your ultimate goal with an opening line.
Can I just say “hi” on Bumble?
You can just say “hi” on Bumble, but it’s generally not recommended. Keep in mind that everyone likely has more than one match. You want to say something engaging that will spark dialogue and help you stand out from the crowd.
What is a good first response on Bumble?
A good first response on Bumble is to build on the initial message you receive. If you get a compliment, say thank you and send a compliment back. If your match asks about your hobbies, ask about their hobbies in your reply. Read the room and reciprocate.
The takeaway.
One of the most significant differences between Bumble and other top dating apps is that women are required to make the first move. So, if you’re a woman used to sitting back and waiting for the guy you matched with to start the conversation, that won’t be possible here. However, if you’re up for it, there are ways to comfortably initiate dialogue and take advantage of your opportunity to frame the conversation on Bumble.
If this format makes you feel uneasy for whatever reason, you might want to try Hinge, eharmony, or Tinder. (For guys, Bumble is actually often rated as one of the best options, but here’s our full list of the best dating apps for men if you want some other ideas.)
The best opening lines don’t feel like lines at all. Personalize the above messages to fit your match and align with your voice. Authenticity is always the best practice on dating apps.
