More than six years after her Stage 2 breast cancer diagnosis, Pearland resident Danielle Fish is concentrating on her physical and mental health — getting in daily walks, eating salads and attending regular therapy sessions with her husband, Dane.
A cancer survivor who went through months of chemotherapy and a bilateral mastectomy following her February 2015 diagnosis of an aggressive form of breast cancer, Fish, a 55-year-old retired teacher, said she’s worked hard to get where she is today.
“I’m in a much better emotional place than I was,” she said.
‘A lot of crying in my closet’
That progress is significant considering how she was coping with the news of her cancer in the early days.
“I did a lot of crying in my closet because in there, I could scream and sob as loud as I wanted and no one could hear me and know what I was going through,” Fish said.
During those crying sessions, she often prayed to God to give her more time to live and do all the things she hoped to do.
She said the stress of her illness only became worse after surgery to remove her breasts. After that procedure, Fish opted to have a plastic surgeon perform a reconstruction. However, her body rejected the cadaver skin the surgeon used to rebuild her chest and she was forced to have it removed just a week later.
Fish said the rejected skin caused her to become ill and suffer from a fever. She said, even though her plastic surgeon wanted her to wait a little longer to see if her body would adjust, she was miserable and couldn’t make it.
“After a week of pain and swelling, I decided to take them out,” she said. “I was so done.”
Although her cancer was gone, Fish found herself living in an altered body. She said she suspects her reaction to the mastectomy is akin to what amputees feel like after losing a limb.
“It got worse after I lost my breasts because I felt like less of a woman. A part of my body is missing, and that takes a toll,” she said. “I felt like I was butchered.”
Help through therapy
She said her husband was supportive and not put off by her new shape but that he worried about the mental toll her cancer and surgery was taking on her and suggested therapy. The couple of nearly 32 years began meeting with a counselor at the end of 2020.
Danielle Fish said it was the best decision they could have made. She said she was suffering not only from a crisis of self-image but from a lack of estrogen in her body, which she said triggered hot flashes and other problems. Despite how poorly she was feeling, Fish said her emotional state made it difficult for her to agree to therapy.
“My husband knew I wasn’t happy with my body, and he was the one who brought up therapy,” Fish said. “At first, I really wasn’t interested, but then I realized he was right because I was still having issues.”
Now, nearly a year into the sessions, Fish is hoping to begin therapy with other cancer survivors — this time without her husband by her side. She admits she’s not quite ready yet but said she will get there soon. She said she’s looking forward to those sessions helping her to more fully deal with the loss of her breasts and with acceptance of how she looks.
‘You are your best advocate’
Surprisingly, what hasn’t been a struggle is dealing with COVID, particularly as someone previously treated for cancer. When the pandemic first hit the United States in spring 2020, Fish was volunteering at MD Anderson Cancer Center. That volunteer program was suspended and has yet to be reinstated, and she plans to get back at it as soon as she can. She said, like many others, she was concerned when news reports first began emerging and it seemed the whole county was shutting down, but now she takes the pandemic in stride.
“I’m not worried about COVID. I’m vaccinated and my husband is vaccinated, and having cancer just gives you a different perspective on what’s important — and that is the people in your life,” she said. “If I can make it through chemo, when I lost 30 pounds and was at my worst, I can make it through this virus.”
What she is concerned about is educating other women on properly examining themselves when looking for signs of breast cancer, a lesson she learned from her own experience. When she first found a lump in her right breast, a mammogram and ultrasound confirmed her suspicion that it was only a fibroma tumor, benign tissue she had dealt with before. However, the doctor proceeded to examine her left armpit, and eventually found a tiny yet very hard mass.
A biopsy confirmed the mass in her armpit was cancerous, which was surprising to Fish considering she’d never thought about there being breast tissue in that area.
“The mammogram and the ultrasound didn’t catch it because we were so focused on the breast. So, I always tell women, if you can do anything good for yourself, rub around in your armpits and see if you feel anything there,” Fish said. “You are your best advocate.”
