‘I should have sought help years earlier when I was having suicidal thoughts – but I was hiding from failure’

“My first conscious experience of anxiety and depression was in 2009 when instability and insecurity came into my professional life,” he says. “I left a company I had been with for 20 years and moved my family to Thailand, and then on to the Netherlands and the UK, while working in senior corporate roles.

“But while I was in the Netherlands, it became clear that things were going wrong, and this had significant consequences in terms of how I was able to deal with life.

“I was at the point of collapse, driven by emotion rather than reality, which was something that had never been a challenge to me before.

“After being let go during a restructuring, this anxiety was lifted somewhat, but a feeling of failure prevailed. Bad decision then followed bad decision and I let myself be driven by events — and instead of thinking about what I should be doing to help, I just felt sorry for myself.”

The 55-year-old, who works in the aviation industry, says the nature of his job contributed to his mental health problems, as, for a time, he was working in the UK while his family were living in the Netherlands. Until this situation was rectified, he was in a very bad place, he says.

“During that period, my evenings were filled with anxiety and depression, as I was aware of the failure I had landed myself in but wasn’t able to face the consequences.

“Suicidal thoughts were part of my inner voice and my only company on those lonely nights. For a long time, I worked hard not to let the situation impact on my family life and didn’t share the situation with anyone who could help me. But eventually, I called a friend from the company I had previously worked in — and although he wasn’t equipped to help in any deep way, it prompted the process of recovery and self-management.

“When my family moved to the UK [to join him], I was in a position to take a step back and get some perspective on where I was at and where we were going as a family.”

Although he continued to work abroad for many years, David, who is married to Colette and has four children — Naomi, Odhran, Fionn and Briain — is now living in Cork and says he is in a far better position mentally and attributes much of this to exercise.

“I still believe that today I am impacted by those years, but thankfully I was able to find a way back,” he says. “It is clear to me that I should have sought help years earlier when I was finding the going tough and having suicidal thoughts — but hiding from failure was one of the reasons I didn’t and not getting to rock bottom was perhaps another. But I worked to understand myself through learning rather than qualified psychological support, and exercise also played an important part in improving my mental health.

“I became a committed Lycra-wearing cyclist and within five years went from cycling once weekly to four times a week. Now, any time I feel down or anxious, I know that getting out for a cycle will remedy it, as the ‘up’ feeling afterwards is almost tangible. I have also started trail running and plan to take up kayaking so that I can take part in alternative triathlon events.

“So I am in a much better place and while anxiety still occurs due to the challenges of being self-employed, I continue to work on managing that.”

Along with his interest in exercise – he and his family took part in Ireland’s Fittest Family – the father-of-four also read self-help books, took up meditation, started playing the banjo, joined a choir and went back to college to study Coaching & Coaching Psychology at UCC. He also started volunteering to help others in a similar situation and says that communication is key.

“The reason I volunteered to be part of World Mental Health Week is to communicate the importance of parents opening up and being an example to our children,” he says. “Some of my own kids have had significant and challenging events in their lives, which we only found out after the event, as they didn’t talk to us about what was wrong.

“One of the biggest fears, as a parent, is not being there for our kids when they need us. But we have contributed in a large way to where they are today and need to take responsibility for doing what we can to encourage them to speak up when they need us,” he says.

“Speaking up and talking to someone initiated my recovery and I’m sure it would have been quicker if I had been brave enough to talk about it earlier. This is my advice to anyone who is experiencing depression or anxiety, as I believe the biggest encouragement we can give the younger generation is for ourselves to speak up early and frequently about the challenges we, as parents, are having.”

Dr Claire Hayes, clinical director at Aware, agrees and says while our natural instinct is to keep our worries to ourselves, being open about what is troubling us is very important.

“Understandably, many people are experiencing anxiety as our journey with Covid-19 takes another turn,” she says. “While it’s very positive that restrictions are easing and life is opening up for us, the virus is still a real threat so it’s not surprising that many of us continue to feel anxious. People who have a tendency towards depression or severe anxiety may prefer to withdraw or avoid and, while this is understandable and might offer temporary relief, it can actually make things more difficult in the short to medium term.

“An estimated one in 10 people experience depression in Ireland: that’s 450,000 people. Depression doesn’t discriminate. Anyone of us, irrespective of age, gender or background, can be affected, and symptoms can range from mild to severe. So it’s important to remember that recovery is possible, but early recognition, support and ongoing management of the condition are key to a positive outcome.”

The consultant clinical psychologist says although depression is a very common condition, many people are unaware of the symptoms and the impact it can have on people’s lives.

“It can be a very isolating and lonely experience, so with this campaign [Mental Health Week] we want to give people who are impacted by depression a voice,” she says. “By sharing their inspiring stories, our goal is to provide hope, help people to feel less alone in their experience and, most importantly, empower anyone affected by depression to reach out for support. Activities will focus on sharing lived-experience perspectives to convey the reality of living with the condition, along with clinical expertise to educate the public on the causes, course and consequences of depression.

“If someone is concerned about their mental health, we would always advise that they contact their GP or mental health professional. But it can also be helpful to familiarise themselves with the supports and services available to them — on the Aware website, we offer a host of resources on mental health and provide information on how to access our range of support services and positive mental health programmes, all of which are free to the public.”

World Mental Health Day is an opportunity for organisations all over the world to come together to bring attention to mental health and increase awareness and understanding of specific conditions. For more information on Aware Mental Health Week and to access a wealth of information on depression and Aware services, visit aware.ie

Signs of depression

F Feeling – sad, anxious, guilty

E Energy – low energy, feeling tired or fatigued

S Sleeping – under or oversleeping, any change to normal sleep pattern

T Thinking – poor concentration, thoughts slowed down

I Interest – loss of interest in hobbies, family or social life

V Value – low self-esteem

A Aches – aches and pains with no physical basis

L Life – loss of interest in living, thinking about death, suicidal thoughts

If you experience five or more of these symptoms, lasting for a period of two weeks or more, Aware recommends speaking to your GP or mental health professional to get a correct diagnosis and determine an appropriate treatment plan for you.