A London writer who was placed in foster care at six-months-old was able to heal the relationship with his mother after a Ghanaian doctor explained to her that he had borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Derek Owusu, 33, from Edmonton, said that the disorder meant that he would often “fight” with his mum, Dina, as it caused him to “react to small things she did”, and the language barrier between them created a gap in her understanding of the condition .
As the illness took its toll, the Londoner attempted to take his own life and was rushed to hospital where a therapist and an NHS home treatment team were assigned to him.
After a mental health doctor who spoke the Ghanaian language, Twi, visited him, he explained the disorder to his mother in a meaningfully translation that brought the two closer.
(Image: Josimar Senior)
Derek said: “In Twi there’s not a word that describes borderline personality disorder, so I really struggled.
“She would be like, ‘just go to church or just pray or just do this and it will go’, and I’m like, ‘mum it’s a real sickness that I’m going to have for the rest of my life’, and she just couldn’t get it .
Derek’s mum’s cultural upbringing in Ghana meant that she used religion as a way to tackle her son’s disorder.
But things “came to a head” after he attempted to take his own life, as his brother held onto him and his mother went into a panic.
The 33-year-old said: “I was in my room. My brother was there, he was holding onto me trying to stop me doing what I was doing.
“My mum was standing by the door in typical Ghanaian fashion, throwing anointing oil over me while all of this was happening”
The writer was taken into hospital but before they discharged him, he spoke to a therapist about the strained relationship with his mother and how she didn’t understand his condition.
(Image: The Bookseller)
Derek had tried to explain to her how he was feeling as she grew suspicious of his behaviour when he was self harming.
The Londoner said: “I tried to explain depression to her and she would be like, ‘what? So you’re sad?’, and I’m like, “no, no, no, not sad”.
The hospital asked what language his mum spoke and sent a Ghanaian mental health doctor to explain her son’s disorder.
Derek said: “The doctor was really nice. Before he even started talking they were just sitting down, just talking about Ghana, laughing, joking in Twi.
“And then they started talking about me”.
As they continued to talk, Derek says he watched his mother’s facial expression change, as she began to slowly understand her son’s difficulties.
Derek said: “As he was talking to my mum, my mum kept looking at me.
“He would say something and she would look at me with a thoughtful look on her face, then talk to him then look at me.
“Because she kept looking at me and looking at him, I could see she was connecting some dots together”.
As time progressed, the Londoner realised how much his mother had absorbed about his condition when he had a “BPD episode”.
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The 33-year-old said: “When I knew that it had really hit home was when something happened.
“My mum did something really minor and I was about to go into a BPD episode and she stopped, and she put her hands up and she said, ‘Derek, I’m sorry’, and she explained it to me.
“I was like. ‘wow’, and she said, ‘the doctor told me this is what happens’.
“She really just prepared herself for any kind of eventuality of my personality and really worked with me”.
The mother and son have since been able to repair their relationship, as Dina offers support and advise to Derek to help him navigate life with his condition.
Derek said: “My mum she gets upset too and it’s not easy for her. It’s not easy dealing with me at all but she’s really been trying her best and our relationship has really really blossomed.
“When you get diagnosed with BPD, it feels quite lonely like nobody has it, especially being a Black man.
“And in the African community we don’t really talk about mental health issues.
You don’t have to suffer in silence if you’re struggling with your mental health.
Here are some groups you can contact when you need help.
Samaritans: Phone 116 123, 24 hours a day, or email jo@samaritans.org, in confidence.
Childline: Phone 0800 1111. Calls are free and won’t show up on your bill.
PAPYRUS: A voluntary organisation supporting suicidal teens and young adults. Phone 0800 068 4141.
Depression Alliance: A charity for people with depression. No helpline but offers useful resources and links to other information.
Students Against Depression: A website for students who are depressed, have low mood, or are suicidal. Find out more here.
Bullying UK: A website for both children and adults affected by bullying. Find out more here.
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): For young men who are feeling unhappy. There’s a website and a helpline: 0800 58 58 58.
“When I make new friends, if I have a new romantic interest, one of the first things my mum says to me is, ‘have you told them you have BPD because they should know everything about you’.
“She’s just really concerned, so it’s nice”.
The 33-year-old was put into private foster care six months after he was born, as his mother, who had arrived from Ghana, struggled to get accommodation and faced discrimination for having a son.
Derek said: “My mum couldn’t afford to look after me.
“Back then the discrimination was really nuts.
“At the time when she came in the 80s, if you wanted to rent a room, they wouldn’t rent to you.
“In the Ghanaian community they were saying, ‘just send the child to Ghana, send them to boarding school.
“But my mum didn’t want to do that so she just compromised and said, ‘I’ll just send him away from me where I can visit him whenever I want to, rather than sending him to Ghana where I can’t even get back there to see him’.
(Image: Derek Owusu)
“So she put me in foster care and I was there for about seven years”.
While in foster care, Derek says that he was beaten with a cane by the family who took him in, and that he is still reckoning with the whole experience.
He said: “It was with a white middle class family.
“There was about six of us there. All Black West African.
“My foster mum had a specialised cane for beating the children.
“As I’m older I have a few questions about the entire situation.
(Image: Derek Owusu)
Derek has since written a book called That Reminds Me, about his experiences in foster care and living with BPD, which won the Desmond Elliot Prize in 2020.
He said: “I wrote it because I just love writing and I also wanted to depict foster care and BPD in the most realistic way I could possibly do.
“To put readers through a series of events that I think would lead to having borderline personality disorder”.
As for tackling mental health in the African community, Derek believes things are changing as he’s now able to talk and write books about it.
You can order Derek’s book here
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